It may seem like a good idea to tell a lot of people about your abduction. After all, it was a life changing event, it can explain away a lot of weird things about you, and it's probably the best story you have to tell people at a party.
But let's face it. Not everyone is ready to hear about your close encounter of the fourth kind.
Here's the deal. Some people who have never been paralyzed from the waist down while wires were surgically inserted into their chest and head will never understand. It's kinda like when I tell Judeeen about how I woke up with the perfect Barbarella hair without even having to run a comb through it. She's not gonna get it, especially when she's just spent two and a half hours under her Vintage Dazey Natural Wonder Hair Dryer and is still having a bad hair day.
You gotta know your audience.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Wouldn'tcha know it, Judeen paid me my allowance late this month and so I accidentally let my domain name, Abductees.ufo.blogworld.net, lapse with Register.com. So to my fans and fellow abductees, I'm just just gonna have to share a blog with my sisters, like we do with just about everything else. Move on over, sisters! I've got some posts to write!
Now y'all read in my last post about Alpha Centaurians and their ability to accessorize. I tell you, if you think I'm good with a glue gun and rhinestones, you should see what they wear on a night out on the solar system! Thanks to those who wrote in to say you liked my reproduction of their scully style space suits! I mean, their contribution to our society doesn't just stop at pyramids and crop circles!
Now, a few weeks ago, us abductees had a discussion on line about how to identify an flying object. We were able to break it down to these guidelines:
- Is it a bird?
- Is it a plane?
- Is it Superman?
- Did you lose all bodily functions when it caught you in it's beam of light and then lose track of weeks, maybe months of your life before resuming your life?
- Did your sighting involve an anal probe?
If the answer is no, no, no, yes and yes, you may have identified a real spaceship from another planet. And if so, welcome! You have found your peeps!
Monday, January 10, 2011
I am sorry, but the answer is "no". No matter how much y'all wish that I would post a review of the new movie Country Strong, I cannot and will not. It is common knowledge that I have foresworn gossip, so I will not speak of the blood feud between The Chalks a certain cast member. He knows what he did and when he's ready to make a sincere apology maybe then will we return his autographed Tug McGraw baseball jersey.
And we are still waiting for our screen credit. After all, he is wearing one of our signature wiglets - the Narvel Blackstock '92! (not to be confused with the Mike Ditka '08 wiglet he sported for The Blind Side.)
So until He Who Shall Not Be Named makes amends - no review. I mean it . I may have foresworn gossip, but not grudge-holding. Just ask Belva. I haven't spoken to her since Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Chalks Theatrical Debut!
Months ago we bid y'all farewell as we went into seclusion to write our life story set to music. Well, we've emerged from the sweat lodge with our new musical The Chalks: An American Family In 3 Chords which premiered at Bay Street @ The Parrish last weekend.
An exhaustive audition process was conducted to find just the right women to portray us. Those Broadway actresses try real hard, bless their hearts, but to convey the grit and honesty of a country artist we decided to leave it to the pros - US.
So come out and see Belva as Belva, Judelle as Judelle, and me as myself. You have 2 more chances this coming weekend. Just click here for more information.
See you at the show!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Big news, Chalk Fans! Seeing your favorite country music sister trio act is about to get even better. The Chalks are going 3-D. That's right. From now on when you come out to see The Chalks live we'll be comin' at you in vivid 3-D. At this very moment, we're working on our special 1/2 red, 1/2 blue costumes to make the experience as extra super-duper as possible. Live entertainment never looked so life-like 'til now.
Monday, December 21, 2009
For Christmas this year we got all y'all something extra special. No, it's not Trailer Park Bark for each and every one of you. The kitchenette on our bus only has but that one bunsen burner stove top. To crank out that kind of volume would involve hooking up the kerosene stove and that cease and desist order is still in effect from the unfortunate "exploding turkey incident" from last holiday season.
Our extra special gift to you is The Chalks - Very Special Show, available now on live-laughs.com for your viewing pleasure from the comfort of your home, office cubical, or wifi enabled coffee shop.
As we write this, we are on our way to the sweat lodge deep in the woods where we will be in seclusion as we write our life story set to music. So, we leave you with a little piece of The Chalks to enjoy until we see y'all again. Go on and slice yourself a big ol' piece of Resurrection Cake or maybe fix yourself a nice potato chip sandwich and click on over to live-laughs.com and watch the show.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU, THE FANS!
With Country Love,
Judeen, Judelle & Belva
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
It's hard to believe that the holidays are just around the corner. We've barely finished off the last of the candy corn and already it's time start rehearsing our holiday favorite, Christmas Time O Raise Yer Voice And Sing / A Chalky Magi.
Belva already knows just what she wants this year - a bra gas mask. You know - it's that new bra that is also a gas mask. In pink, please. Judelle would like the same as last year - blank prescription pads. Me, I just want world peace. But seeing as that is on backorder, my next wish would be for y'all to come out to see our last big show of 2009.
It's your last chance to see us live before we go into seclusion in the woods to finish writing our life story set to music. Better get your Chalk fix in while you can. Plus I'm pretty sure that Trailer Park Bark is on your holiday list. It's settled then - see you at the show!